How I Learned to Stop Beating Myself Up Over Mistakes

Like many people, I've struggled with perfectionism most of my life. I put tons of pressure on myself to do things flawlessly, then felt immense guilt and shame when I made even minor mistakes.

How I Learned to Stop Beating Myself Up Over Mistakes

My inner critic was loud and brutal. I'd dwell on every imperfect thing I said or did, berating myself over the tiniest error. "You're so irresponsible!" my inner voice would scream if I missed a deadline or forgot an appointment. 

Needless to say, this habit of beating myself up took a toll. I suffered constant anxiety trying to avoid mistakes. When I did mess up, I'd fall into pits of depression and see myself as fundamentally defective. 

Does any of this sound familiar? If so, know you're not alone. Being extremely hard on ourselves over mistakes is remarkably common. And while it may seem like it motivates us, studies show self-criticism is destructive - lowering self-esteem and productivity.

The good news is, we can train ourselves to respond to mistakes and failures with self-compassion instead of self-loathing. It takes practice, but I've largely broken my harmful pattern of perfectionism by implementing three strategies:

1. Separating facts from exaggerated judgments

When I make a mistake, I try to objectively observe what happened without blowing it out of proportion. For example, "I sent that email before it was fully proofread" vs "I'm so stupid and incompetent!"

2. Talking to myself like I would a friend 

Instead of criticism, I respond with gentle understanding, the way I would to a loved one who made the same mistake. I ask myself “What advice would I give a friend now?”

3. Reframing mistakes as learning opportunities

Rather than just feeling ashamed, I reflect on what I can take away from the experience. And how I can grow to avoid similar mistakes down the road.

Be Compassionate

Of course, old habits die hard. Whenever that harsh inner critic rears its head, I remind myself of these principles. Over time, it's gotten easier to be compassionate and keep mistakes in perspective. 

Learning to separate my errors from my self-worth has been hugely freeing. I still strive for excellence, but I don't let the inevitability of mistakes destroy my confidence when they happen. 

We all stumble sometimes as we figure out life. The better we get at handling errors with grace, the fewer chains we place on our potential.